5 Ways to Achieve Better Sex in a Relationship

"Sex is ... perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship. So why don’t we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with ourselves as sexual human beings because we are all sexual?" ― Sue Johanson

Much of relationship research  has focused on general relationship satisfaction, which is an area of clearever, research may not have looked in depth at sexual outcome measures and whether there are ways to specifically cultivate better sex. While sexual satisfaction and healthy communication contribute str importance. Howongly to greater overall relationship satisfaction, sexual communication is likely to be very different from general relationship communication (Mark & Jozkowski, 2013), and it may be incorrect to assume that working on improving general communication quality alone will improve sexual communication.

With some exceptions, couples therapy tends to focus on general relationship issues, and may leave sexual issues less directly addressed. For example, according to a 2003 study, while the vast majority of health/mental health professionals noted the importance of addressing sexual issues in treatment, most reported that they were poorly trained and unlikely to discuss sexual issues with patients (Haboubi & Lincoln, 2003). Another study found that even licensed marital and family therapists felt uncomfortable with and unprepared to discuss sexual issues (Harris & Hays, 2008). It may be that professionals addressing relationship issues have assumed that if general communication and relationship satisfaction improves, then sexual communication and sexual satisfaction will follow suit. However, this has not been shown to be the case.

I have found in my professional experience that unless clinicians are specifically trained to address sexual issues, they often will not bring them up with patients, sex therapists being the obvious exception. Considering how important sex is for many couples, it is concerning that therapists may not be addressing sexual issues directly with couples as much as would be useful. As with other taboo subjects, it may be that therapists and clients both tend to shy away from difficult areas ― sexuality, trauma and abuse, money, and race and cultural issues, to name a few ― and stick to what is more familiar and comfortable. While training can help prepare mental health professionals to feel comfortable bringing up issues more easily avoided, it is also important to recognize that timing and diplomacy are essential in order to effectively assist with sensitive issues.